Two Halfs Make a ---------?
by Hi im Barry Scot
Summary: Starts in 4th year just after Harry's name comes out of the Goblet. Written in a almost self aware meta way. Harry/Tracy pairing because Its rarely done and she has more in common with him than Daphne.
1. Chapter 1

**Two Halfs make a -?**

 _ **Disclaimer, Harry Potter does not belong to me, or much of anything for that matter. I won't be making any profit off of this in fact I'm probably losing money on the electric needed to run my Pc. Some business man I am.**_

There were not many things Harry hated more than potions with Snape and that was where he was, stuck in the classroom with his most hated teacher, the house which seemed to think it was their duty to antagonise him at every turn and two best friends doing there level best to ignore his existence. Things hadn't always been this bad for Harry James Potter. Well maybe they had one way or the other but this was firmly in his top three spot. The moment his name had come out of the Goblet of Fire things had gone downhill. Downhill like a bobsleigh, piloted by the world's best team adamant on breaking every speed record possible. The moment his name was called and he hesitantly rose to his feet, scarcely believing his ears yet at the same time not truly surprised the mutterings had started. By time he had reached the 'champions' room the Hall was practically a riot as students from all schools seemed outraged at his choosing. He had explained himself, calmly at first, when Moody had declared someone was trying to get Harry killed he had naively thought himself saved. Nope think again Harry no such luck for you. You would have thought that someone yet again trying to kill him would earn him some sympathy from the other champions not glares of anger like he was stealing their glory. Really he thought to himself. He Harry freaking Potter needing more glory and fame from some tournament. Ignoring the whole Boy who lived fiasco he was probably the most well known name just on Quidditch alone. What Harry wasn't prepared for though, was the reaction of his closest friends, he'd come back to the Gryffindor common room expecting a little understanding from Ron and Hermione, maybe together they would come up with a plan on how to stop him ending up dead, guess again Harry. It wasn't like he had saved Hermione from a Troll in first year, saved Ron's little sister in their second. They didn't owe him anything. To say that Harry was unhappy about how things had turned out was something of an understatement.

So there he was his first lesson since being declared Hogwarts second champion sat on a desk alone waiting for the rest of the class to arrive and another session of psychological torture to begin. A few minutes of Harry determinedly ignoring the comments from every Slytherin fan who passed by before Snape was strolling in, calling the class to attention. It seemed the fates had yet again, surprise, not favoured Harry; today they would be working in pairs and the oh so popular Boy who lived did not have a partner, at least Snape would be happy.

"Potter play nice with the other children, they're not trying to steal your glory" Snape sneered at him trying to anger Harry, what the potions professor didn't seem to realise was Harry was so far passed angry he didn't care what the professor said anymore.

"Are you sure sir, I have so little Glory compared to someone like you I can't afford to lose any of it" He probably shouldn't have said all of that, but it did feel good to nail Snape with some of his own sarcasm. Luckily for Harry, wait what? Luckily for Harry what just happened to reality? Snape was interrupted before he could respond by a Slytherin girl rushing into the potions lesson, She had shoulder length brown hair lightly framing her face Tracy Davis he remembered.

"Sorry professor I had to take Daphne to see Madam Pomfrey" she blurted out sounding slightly out of breath like she had been running.

Snape paused briefly frowning slightly at the girl "Very well miss Davis, I'm afraid I have bad news for you however, You will be working with a partner today and since miss Greengrass won't be joining us today, your only choice will be the imbecile Potter" he didn't bother to lower his voice so Harry couldn't hear. The insult was probably better than the detention he would have received had Snape not been distracted.

Tracy didn't seem to bothered by the notion shrugging slightly before coming to Harry's table and dumping her stuff on and around the desk.

"Congratulations you've won the lottery" Harry said drily. Getting ahead on the Gryffindor Slytherin hostilities.

She looked at him for a moment before answering "What?"

"Oh sorry Muggle thing" he said realising she probably had no idea what the lottery was.

"I'm not the imbecile Potter" She drew out Imbecile the same way Snape had just said it "I know what the lottery is. How do you figure I've won it?" She smirked seeing his surprise.

"You get to sit with Hogwarts very own Champion" he replied perhaps a little too sullenly.

"Oh I see" she said arching an eyebrow, god that looked cool Harry idly wished he knew how to do that "So are you such a potions prodigy that you will be completing the Task with a well brewed potion?"

"Probably not" Harry admitted not really knowing how he was going to complete any of the tasks but very much doubting it would have anything to do with potions "But how do you think I entered my name into the Goblet in the first place"

"Because you totally entered the Tournament yourself" Tracy replied sarcastically.

"You don't think it was me?" Harry replied surprised.

"You've blindly stumbled your way around the school for the past three years somehow I doubt over the last summer you grew a fully functioning brain. Besides I saw your face when your name was called" she stated simply.

Well wasn't that great the one person who realised that he hadn't entered his name into the Goblet was a Slytherin. Who probably couldn't care less about Harry's fate.

"So Mr Potter why did you think I've won the lottery" she eyed him smiling slightly.

"Quidditch star do it for you?" Harry tried jokingly.

"Normally yes, but seeing as how the Quidditch cup is off for this tournament I don't think so. You might be all washed up come next year's Quidditch season"

"You like Quidditch?" Harry asked.

"What's not to like, it's got everything. Boys, Brooms, Balls but most of all Balls hitting Boys off of Brooms, especially when Gryffindor play" She grinned at him wickedly, suddenly Harry realised how pretty she was, he had never really paid attention to that sort of thing and all of a sudden he found himself a little uncomfortable with how close they were sitting. "What else have you got Potter"

Harry sighed "I've got green eyes"

She didn't reply, instead she turned her head to look at him directly staring him in the eyes with her own blue eyes. Harry felt himself gulp. "They are very green" She mused. "I wonder if I could use them to see if a potion is the correct shade. What shade are they?"

"Harry Potter green, Patent pending" he replied quickly smirking back at her.

"Ooh a Business man how exciting" she deadpanned "Still I'm not sure that's a lottery I've won"

"I never said which share of the lottery you won did I"

"I think I can figure that out for myself. Let's see I invested Daphne into getting to sit next to you. Daphne is one of the best in our year at potions and you are... not." Harry wasn't sure if she was teasing him or just insulting him. Maybe a bit of both?

"Potter stop trying to force your Autograph on Miss Davis" Snape called tauntingly from across the room. Tracey and the rest of the Slytherins. Oh and all of the Gryffindors seemed to find it funny.

"I think he likes you" She whispered conspiratorially.

"You can tell, by how often he insults me" Harry replied drily.

"He gives you more attention than Malfoy even, that has to mean something." She said smiling.

"I'm not sure this is the sort of attention which proves he likes me."

"Of course it is, he's like a school boy who never learned to flirt. Treat em Mean keep em Keen" She recited to him.

"In that case the whole school must really like me" Harry replied thinking of the stares and glares he received just eating his breakfast.

"Stop being such a baby." Tracy teased.

"Easy for you to say" He told her bluntly.

"You know, you're not very clever" She sounded different.

"Sorry Snape I didn't see you there" he joked.

"Whatever, let's do some work before the real Snape comes and gives you a kiss"

"That's gross"

"It's what you deserve" She got up quickly to gather the ingredients for the potion. Leaving Harry confused. She had seemed sort of friendly at first, but the joking tone and slight smirk had disappeared out of as far as he could tell nowhere. Slytherins, he sighed they didn't make sense.

She wasn't away long. She dumped the ingredients in front of him and lit her cauldron. "You chop, I stir" Still angry.

"Err, Sorry" Harry said a little dumbly.

"You Chop. I stir" She repeated.

"No, I mean. I'm Sorry" He explained

"What for?" She was surprised.

"I don't know... you're angry" He felt like the biggest idiot. Usually it worked with Hermione.

"So you are apologising without even knowing what for?" Tracy rolled her eyes. Gryffindors.

"Yeah" he admitted, for the biggest idiot he felt incredibly small.

"Does it work?" She seemed curious, or amused, or something. He didn't know.

"I guess..." He looked at her expectantly "did it?"

"Don't count on it Potter." The smirk was back.

"I wouldn't dream of it Davis" He wasn't sure why he copied her use of Surnames.

"Eugh. Don't call me that" She complained, apparently she didn't like it either. But who really did.

"Don't call me Potter and I won't. Anyway you sound like Malfoy" He teased. Forgetting she was a Slytherin.

"What's wrong with sounding like Malfoy?" She challenged, although the way she said it, Harry didn't think she was being sincere.

"Oh I didn't realise you fancied him. Want me to get Pansy out of your way?"

"Yeah right. You just want to have an excuse to go after Pansy" Tracy quickly turned the conversation against him.

"I didn't say how I would get her out of your way. Never wondered what happened to Professor Lockhart?" he added mysteriously, wondering exactly what the rumours surrounding his second year had turned into.

She gave a non committal shrug "All I've heard is he's at St Mungos. Your doing?" She sounded sceptical.

"Sort of. It's classified." He grinned seeing a brief look of frustration on her face.

"I don't believe you Potter"

"Davis-"

"Fine Harry. Happy now?"

"Well my 2 best friends have abandoned me. But I got you to call me by my first name, I guess overall that's a win" He said sarcastically. He wondered if he sounded pathetic.

"Don't be so melodramatic. It's not becoming" She told him in mock sternness.

"Why should I care what you think is becoming" he asked in a non confrontational tone.

"The way I see it is, you are not very popular right now. Clearly you don't like that. Maybe Snape is right and you do want fame and popularity."

"I don't care what people think." He told her defiantly, it wasn't really true. Few people no matter how much they told themselves they don't care, could truly not care. "It's been obvious since second year everyone in the wizarding world is an idiot."

"Everyone?" She raised that one eyebrow again.

He bit back the angry response. "Not quite, but nearly"

"I guess that is true." She sounded a lot more serious than she had for most of their conversation. "So who is on the 'not an Idiot' list?"

"Anyone who doesn't think I put my name down for that stupid tournament" Harry grumbled.

She looked pleased or something he didn't really have a clue how to read girls facial expressions. Except Hermione's which varied between worried and angry. A sly smile had spread over Tracy's lips. He should probably stop staring at them.

"So Hermione is stupid?" She stated still smirking.

He didn't really know what to say to that, obviously Hermione wasn't stupid. But he was hardly going to include her in the 'good' list right now.

"No, but when she thinks she's right she can be bloody stubborn."

"Unlike you of course" Tracy stated.

"I..."

"I'm just kidding calm down" she laughed at his inability to answer.

"It's like last year, her cat was tormenting Ron's rat Scabbers and she wouldn't do anything about it" He left out the fact that Ron's Rat was an Animagus responsible for Harry's parents deaths. Probably wasn't going to help make his point. And he didn't want Tracy to think he was a serial liar.

"Do you think they will change their minds?" Tracy asked, obviously referring to Ron and Hermione.

"I don't know... I ho- Why do you care?" he didn't really want to talk about his relationship with his two best friends to some Slytherin just because she was being sort of nice.

"I-I don't." She clearly didn't like how he had answered. "Have you got anything ready yet Potter"

He looked down at the empty chopping board in front of him that she could clearly see. "err...no."

"Well hurry up. I don't want to get a bad grade because you were too busy moping." Great she was angry at him. With Tracy angry at him too, that made, one... two... everyone in Hogwarts.

He decided to just do as she said, not bothering to rise to the bait. They worked together in silence for the remainder of the lesson. Occasionally Tracy would give him a command, never a request. Harry just did as she told him; it was incredibly like working with Hermione. At least Tracy was better at potions than Ron, who Hermione was getting increasingly frustrated by.

Potions finished with Snape congratulating Tracy on "not letting Potter ruin the potion" and sneering at Harry. How he managed to sound nice whilst sneering Harry didn't know. Magic?

"Cheer up Harry. At least Snape still likes you" Tracy laughed quietly as she left him joining the rest of the 4th year Slytherins.

Going into potions Harry hadn't thought things could get any more confusing for him. How quickly that thought had been proven wrong. At least now his mind was split between: worrying about the tournament, being angry at his friends and the school in general, and trying to figure out the Slytherin girl.

He was sure she had been angry with him, but she had teased him in her weird but probably friendly. Or was that how she acted around people she didn't like. Who knew? He ran his hands through his messy black hair. It was more of a habit than an attempt at actually doing anything. Why could things never be easy for him?

 _ **A/n Please leave a Review if you want more on this story. For anyone concerned Harry Dursley is not cancelled, I've just always wanted to write a 4**_ _ **th**_ _ **year Gryffindor Harry + Slytherin Girl.**_


	2. Unpredictable Predictions

**Unpredictable Predictions**

 _ **Disclaimer, I've placed a bid for the Potter Universe for 59pence (change I had from a Bacon and Egg roll) but so far I have not received confirmation of a successful purchase, so as far as I am aware, I remain not the owner of Harry Potter and will continue making no money off of it.**_

The next few days passed without major incident, of course the vast majority of the school continued treating him like a full rubbish bin on bin day. Harry ended up spending most of his time with Neville in lessons. Ron and Hermione were still ignoring him whilst constantly watching him. He wasn't sure how that worked but they were doing a great job at it. Spending time with Neville unfortunately meant lesson after lesson of awkward silence. It wasn't that Harry didn't like the other boy, the problem was Neville was just so painfully shy. Harry wondered if Neville didn't want him around but was too shy to say anything.  
He hadn't really seen much of Tracy since their lesson together in Potions, the other class they shared, Defence Against the Dark Arts, she had spent the lesson with her friend Daphne and he with Neville. Professor Moody had spent the lesson further traumatising the students in the various uses of the Dark Arts. Fortunately Harry was already sufficiently traumatised the gruesome descriptions of Battle Magic didn't have the same effect on him. At least he had that going for him.

Today was the day he was really looking forward to. Not. His first lesson with Trelawney since he had been announced as Hogwarts' second champion. The Divination professor had been really helpful in 3rd year constantly predicting his death and seeing the grim in his tea leave, palm line, crystal ball. Well everything you could see a Grim in. Particularly good for his mental health since Sirius had been lurking around the school in his Animagus form which just so happened to resemble a Grim. So now that she was armed with actual ammunition to use to predict his death, he could only expect things to get better.

He'd gotten into the habit of arriving at lessons at the last second; if he got to class early he ended up taking a seat and having to wait awkwardly as every student rushed to find seats not next to him. If he turned up at the last second he could just go sit down wherever there was an empty seat.

Ron was stood at the bottom of the Ladder beneath the Classroom. Alone, waiting. "Hey"

"Hi" Harry replied a little awkwardly. He wasn't planning on confronting Ron today.

"So err, you really didn't put your name in the Cup?" Ron sounded embarrassed. Was he genuinely asking?

"No"

"Ok"

"So"

"Someone else must have done it mate, listen I've been thinking, every year something bad happens right. Last year Sirius was around but Scabbers I mean Pettigrew escaped and, and the year before Ginny got kidnapped. First year we had the Stone. I reckon someone put your name down there to try and get you killed." Ron spoke fast his face redder even than usual. He seemed to have come up by himself with the same theory Moody had suggested. But what really mattered is Ron believed him.

"Moody said the same thing, I just don't know who."

"Malfoy"

"Malfoy?"

"Malfoy" Ron said confidently. "Who else would it be?"

"How would Malfoy get my name in the cup?" Sure Malfoy had a grudge but it sounded a bit beyond his capabilities.

"I dunno, If I knew that I would be in this tournament" Ron grinned. "I say we watch him, see what he does, maybe brew up some more Polyjuice." Harry made a face "We'll find someone else apart from Crabbe and Goyle this time though. I feel sick just thinking about it"

"We'll need Hermione if we want to make Polyjuice..." Harry said hopefully Ron wasn't the only one with a change of heart.

"Oh, I'm sure she will come around" Ron said a little put out. "You know how she is about rules, and you do have a bit of a bad record for breaking them."

"Only when it's to stop Voldemort" Harry protested. Ron winced.

"And to get into Hogsmeade and to duel Malfoy and to visit Hagrid" Ron pointed out.

"I guess you have a point" Harry admitted smiling.

"And If we don't hurry, I'll have to add being late to lessons to that list" Ron joked. It was a relief how easily they had slipped back into their friendship.

"Alright, alright." Harry laughed, climbing up into the classroom with Ron following not far behind. They took the same seats they had been taking since they started the subject in 3rd year. The room was just as unpleasant as ever but at least the company was no longer entirely hostile.

The lesson today was revolving around the use of Crystal Balls, Harry and Ron clearly lacked the 'inner eye', either that or Hogwarts was destined for an awful lot of Fog. The only person who seemed to be having any success was lavender. Or she was a better liar than the rest of them. Professor Trelawney made her way around the classroom before ending up at Ron and Harry's Crystal Ball.

"Let me have a look at that!" she said rapidly approaching the Ball with an intense look on her face. The rest of the room went silent, looking on in expectation. "Oh my," she murmured to herself. Ron rolled his eyes. "How unusual" she looked up from the Ball, "A great fortune lies in the future for one of you," Harry was stunned, where was the death prediction he had been waiting for. Apparently he wasn't the only one surprised; the classroom had broken out into whispers. "The portents show me a great struggle ahead; you will have to prepare yourself if you hope to make this future reality."

"Thank you Professor" Harry said a little dumbly. Ron just looked confused.

"No need to thank me young man, it is a seers duty to say what they see" She brushed his thanks aside with her usual airy tone. For once she didn't linger at their table choosing to move on as if they were any other students.

"That was weird" Ron said simply.

"Yeah... not what I was expecting" Harry agreed, trying to process what was going on.

"You don't think she actually saw something do you?" Ron asked a excitedly.

"What do you mean?"

"Reckon she was just making it up like last year, or you think she saw you win the cup?"

"She only saw the Grim last year didn't she? Could have been Snuffles and she just made a mistake" Harry pointed out, "I mean I thought Sirius was a Grim too."

"I thought he was a friggin bear when he came out and grabbed me" Ron laughed, "Why couldn't he have a nice Animagus form, like a duck or something"

"A Duck?"

"Yeah there sort of cute. Oh shut up"

"You're weird"

"Says Mr I thought my Godfather was out to get me"

"EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT"

"Still funny"

"Almost as funny as your face when we met Aragog."

"Don't you dare!" Harry had promised not to bring that up, he raised his hands in submission "Do you really think Trelawney saw something, I mean she is a crazy old bat..."

"Maybe it's all an act, you remember all those predictions she made in our first lesson? She wasn't wrong on any of them"

"So you think you're gonna win the TriWizard?"

"She might have meant you, maybe you will place a bet on me being eaten by a Blast-end Skrewt and win a lot of money"

"Nah the odds are too high on you surviving I would never make good money on that bet. Maybe death by Flobberwom."

"Boy Who Lived dies to Flobberworm attack"

"It could happen"

"Wouldn't be the weirdest thing to happen around here"

"True that" Ron agreed "So really it would be in accordance with what passes for reality around here for the crazy Divination teacher to be making legitimate predictions, despite what Hermione thinks."

"Wouldn't be the first time she was wrong about something" Harry said a little bitterly. Unfortunately Ron picked up on his tone.

"Err, yeah I guess not."

There was a bit of an awkward silence.

"So anyway how are the Chudley Cannons doing this season?" Harry asked, ham-fistedly breaking the silence. It was good enough for Ron.

"We're still bottom of the league, but the coaching staff is changing round, I'm sure we will pick things up with better support staff. You know we have some real great talent, they just needed better infrastructure" Ron explained, Harry could never tell if Ron really believed the Cannons were constantly on the verge of a comeback or if it was just an act he did for fun or to annoy fans of the good teams.

"I always thought they lacked a good tactical support" Harry agreed, it was true they did lack good tactics. Sadly it wasn't the only thing lacking on the Cannons.

"Hey! Maybe that's what you need"

"What do you mean?"

"For this Tournament, you need some support staff. You're probably best in our year at Defence against the Dark Arts, your just crap at research"

"Thanks buddy"

"You took out a Basilisk with a sword and a few minutes notice, there is no way they're going to chuck something as tough as that at you. If we find out ahead of time what you're up against, easy. Cash Dollar and all that"

"Cash Dollar?"

Ron looked a little embarrassed, " I was looking up Muggle Studies, you know cause you and Hermione are Muggle raised."

"I think you can safely never say 'Cash Dollar' again"

"Wicked"

Sighing at Ron's jarring Muggle language Harry moved on "How are we are going to find out what the task are anyway?"

"Well I thought we could use some of that Harry Potter charm, give me a smile" Harry awkwardly smiled. "Maybe not, I'm sure we will find a way.

"Alright and when we figure out what I'm up against how are we going to find out how to beat it. You're not exactly the best researcher either"

"Well if Hermione is still moping about rules, we'll have to get outside help. Don't make that face it will be easy. Professor Lupin is pretty in your pocket right?"

"I dunno about that, he helped me a bit last year but that was with Dementors,"

"Yeah but he was down with your dad, call in the family favours, I bet he owed him a few being a werewolf and all"

"Maybe... He did get me out of trouble with Snape once, but I don't know how to contact him."

"You can be so dumb sometimes"

"What"

"You have a bloody owl"

"Oh... yeah..."

"Alright so I ask Professor Lupin,"

"And Snuffles"

"What if we don't find out what we are up against until it's too late for Owls?"

"We'll get help from the rest of Gryffindor." Ron said it like it was obvious

"Ron sorry to burst your bubble but they aren't exactly on my side right now."

"Hasn't Quidditch taught you anything about our House mates, we can't stand to losing. All we have to do is make them think a Hufflepuff is going to make us look bad, they will be begging to help you."

When did Ron become such a Slytherin. Still it was a good point, when they had pissed off everyone in Gryffindor in first year they had more or less forgotten when he caught his first Snitch. Part of that might have been to do with the whole Troll incident though.

"Alright, let's do it"

"Really?"

"Yeah, let's win this thing. How hard can it be?" Harry declared with faux confidence.

"Great, I'll get to work on making everyone remember Cedric isn't in Gryffindor and you are" The fact Ron was being entirely serious made the sentence even more ridiculous "Get that house rivalry going. You can well..."

"Not do anything to make them hate me?"

"Yeah that" Ron agreed, he paused thinking. Harry wasn't sure when Ron had last seemed so interested in a topic "Hagrid!"

"What?"

"Speak to Hagrid, I mean he is a bit erm slow sometimes but you have to admit he knows a thing or two about magical creatures"

"Yeah true, he's not slow he's just..."

"Yeah... anyway there is bound to be some magical creatures involved, I did some reading. Don't look at me like that. There has never been a tournament which didn't involve defeating some sort of magical creature in someway"

"What else?"

"Mostly that to be honest, but sometimes there is Puzzles and Riddles"

"I'm pretty good at dealing with A Riddle." Harry deadpanned.

"That was terrible, you're lucky you don't want to do comedy"

"I could be a comedian if I wanted"

"Sure you could mate."

"Shut up"

"When you treat people like that Harry, it's hard to see anybody being willing to help you" Ron teased.

"Yeah, my attitude is definitely the problem."

"Good to see you are getting it"

"I just realised my chances of death by Flobberworm just dramactically increased if I'm going to be spending more time around Hagrid. Was this all a cunning trick to rig the odds in your favour? You've already made the bet haven't you!"

"I can't say anything, it would invalidate any bet I may or may not have made, but if you could get hit by a stunner whilst amongst a group of hungry Flobberworms that would be really helpful. You would do that for a friend wouldn't you Harry?"

"So long as I am stunned"

"Did I say stunned, I meant immobilized"

"Great"

Things definitely improved for Harry from that lesson onwards, sure he was still getting a lot of unfriendly looks from most of the school, but at least now he had Ron back, it was much easier to pretend that someone wasn't trying to kill him when he was joking with Ron rather than sat awkwardly with Neville. Although as much as Harry hated Malfoy he doubted that Draco was the person who had put his name in the Goblet, that didn't rule out his Father though. After all Harry had freed Dobby from his service and it was Lucius Malfoy who had smuggled Riddle's Diary into Ginny's school things. Some things hadn't gotten better, a large portion of the school, mostly Slytherins and Hufflepuffs had taken to wearing little badges on their robes, whilst some of them were innocent enough, simply showing their support for Cedric Diggory. Many had been charmed to also say 'Potter Stinks'.

Over all things had come out a win in Harry's mind. He would gladly have Ron at his side again even if the whole school decided to start wearing those badges.

 _ **A/n Thank you for reading. I wanted to cover something that is usually done very differently in FanFiction than how it happens in the reality I have experienced, How guys make up after a fight.**_

 _ **Commonly in Fanfiction when two guys fall out one or both of them make a dramatic apology or something to that effect, in my experience (as a guy) this is not really how it happens. How do we do apologise? We don't we just pretend nothing ever happened and continue on. Obviously there are exceptions.**_

 _ **Next thing I wanted to do was not Bash Ron, how Ron acts from book four onwards is really out of character compared to previous books. For example Ron is so loyal to Harry that he is willing to let an animated stone statue hit him so that Harry and Hermione can take a shot at stopping (Snape/Quirrel) in book two Harry saves Ginny's life and before that Ron is willing to go and fight a Basilisk with nothing more than Harry and Lochart. To me it just seems incredibly unlike that Ron to then turn against Harry over the Triwizard cup (although there is an argument that Harry being a Horcrux negatively affected Ron).**_

 _ **Just some of my thoughts on the whole Bash Ron/Weasleys genre which for some reason exists.**_


	3. A Strange Problem a Granger Solution

**A Strange Problem and a Granger Solution.**

 _ **I own Harry Potter and make loads of money from the franchise and this fanfiction, I'm also a liar.**_

Hermione Granger had a problem. It wasn't exactly a secret that she liked to study, that she liked being the cleverest student in Hogwarts. Herein lay her problem, at the end of every school year since she had started learning magic her revision plans had taken some sort of a hit. In First Year she had been dragged off to stop You Know Who taking the philosophers stone and returning to life. In Second Year a practically mythical creature had put her into a coma for weeks of precious study time, yes the exams had been cancelled but that didn't make it any better. Finally in her most recent year, she had been forced to chase a mass murdering illegal animagus through a dangerous magical tree, had nearly been bitten by a werewolf and kissed by dementors (not how she wanted her first kiss to be!) but worst of all she had very nearly been given a Detention over the whole thing!

It was very clear to Hermione where the problem came from. Two idiot boys. Some might say it wasn't really their fault, but it was no coincidence that nothing bad had happened to Hermione before she had met those brazen Gryffindors. This time she promised herself she wouldn't get caught up in their foolhardy 'adventures'.

So what did the Gryffindor Golden Boy go and do? Enter his blo- darned name into the most dangerous tournament a student could possibly get involved in! Of course he would be expecting her help. He thought he was so subtle and clever when he wondered out loud why snape would want to teach them about Werewolves, It took her months of important re-revision time to put Snape's little puzzle together to realise Lupin was a Werewolf, Harry of course would deny manipulating her. AND! He had the gall to lie to her and say he didn't put his name into the Goblet. So he could spin some silly story about somebody putting his name in their to get him killed. Well Hermione had had enough, she wasn't going to be guilt tripped into helping him show off by some bogus story he made up like it was Divination homework.

For once the rest of the school actually realised it too, even Ron! Or that was what she thought, but now the redhead was sat with Harry at breakfast as if nothing had ever happened. How could he be so stupid she wondered. It didn't matter she was better off not having to look after Ron in every lesson. Seriously what were those two going to do without her to copy off of? A small part wondered how they had managed when she had been petrified. She decided she didn't care, last year the exam results had been disturbingly close, some of the Ravenclaws were getting close to her scores and Harry had somehow beaten her in Defence, although the teacher was a friend of his father so it didn't really count. Still it was a stain against her name, this year would be different. Without those two to distract her she would put everyone else to shame.

* * *

Ron looked around the Great Hall suddenly feeling a lot more nervous. He'd had a lot of success convincing the Gryffs that they were better off with a champion from there own house, but it seemed the rest of the school had decided to really test Harry's patience. 'Support CEDRIC DIGGORY - the REAL Hogwarts Champion!' he read the words enchanted on the badge of another student, this time a Ravenclaw. He was sure Harry would notice soon. Should he tell Harry before he noticed for himself, maybe ease him into it?

"Err mate…" He started, his mouth deciding to start talking before his brain had figured out what he was going to say, a regular problem he faced. Harry looked up from his food. "Don't get angry but-"

"The badges?" Harry asked laughingly. "Potter Stinks, that's Malfoys work you can by how creative the insult is." Ron breathed a sigh of relief. "You thought I was going to be angry."

"Yeah, I mean I was going to jinx someone when I saw those badges for the first time" It was true, the only thing that stopped him from hexing Ernie was his eyes catching the glint of badges on all the other hufflepuffs around the stuck up little prick. He was a Gryffindor but that didn't stop him from knowing which battles not to pick. He wasn't good at chess for no reason. "We should get him back, Potions next though probably not the best place to hex him six different ways"

Harry laughed out loud. "Snape would be delighted, he'd drag me all the way to the headmaster's office gloating about how I was going to be expelled."

"We should do it just to see his face when he realised you can't be expelled till the tournaments over" Ron joked.

"We should probably get going, being Hogwarts champion won't do anything to stop him giving us detention if we're late"

They made their way out of the great hall joking about how to best piss Malfoy off, he was obviously going to gloat and fair play to him, everyone was wearing the badges. Although not all of them said 'Potter Stinks'.

"Hey Lavender!" Ron called to the notorious gossiping Gryffindor, as he spotted Malfoy and his wobbling muscle head to taunt Harry.

"Hi

Ron" She said - he didn't know how she said it because Ron was a guy and therefore had no understanding of girls. Or so girls said.

"You hear about Malfoy and the Durmstrang boy?" Ron asked trying to wink slyly. Unfortunately half his face moved with the wink and for a split second he looked like an unfortunate stroke victim. But Ron didn't know that.

"Erm No?" She looked pretty. He meant confused. She looked confused, he was being too subtle, wait he Ron Weasley was being too subtle? That didn't sound right.

"You heard from a Slytherin girl didn't you that Malfoy was with a Durmstrang boy. Didn't you Lavender" He said winking and nodding. He'd seen the muggle actors at the pant-a-mind doing that. He was rather impressed with how cunning he was being.

"Are you trying to get me to make up a story about Malfoy, and spread it around to get back at him for those badges?" Lavender asked accusatory, crap he forgot he was a guy he didn't know what that tone meant. Lavender asked blankly, that was better.

"Yeah… don't you think he deserves it?" Ron tried to convince her using some of his advanced debating skills he added "he is a git". That would do the trick.

"Okay Ron I'll do it for you" She emphasized the you, not that Ron would notice since he had the whole Y Chromosome disadvantage. Dratted genetics or was it Jeanetics?

A few seconds ago and a couple of feet away.

Malfoy and his ugly fat friends (what that's what they are, oh wait you're right) - ugly fat hired friends (did the Crabbe, Goyle family run a bizarre escort service Harry wondered, not that he knew what escorts are he was far too young, innocent and noble.) approached him.

The two blobs stayed silent. Surprise. "You like them Potter?" the blonde boy - although he could pass for a girl Harry mused, not a bad looking one as well. Wait that's gross. "And this isn't all they do - look!" He was really proud of himself, maybe Harry should be supportive? Was that the right thing to do, act as the fatherly love the other boy craved? No he was younger than Draco it wouldn't work. The badge pinned to Draco's robes turned green flashing the words 'POTTER STINKS'.

What was the correct way to put Draco down? He could unleash a scathingly sarcastic remark, too easy. Challenge him to an honor duel, but what was the point if he wasn't allowed to kill Draco? Ahh yes the legendary and feared Complisult. The perfect weapon for schoolyards and Nuclear war. Actually just the first. Unless you have nukes in which case they are the perfect weapon for both situations, but alas Harry did not have weapons of mass destruction. Curses.

"That's an impressive bit of charm work malfoy, you must be rich indeed to flippantly waste your money paying someone else to enchant it" Harry fake smiled warmly. Is that possible? well it is now. Draco's normal pale face was tinged pink by his blush. If he was a girl, he'd or should he be saying she'd? Be the sort you got angry just because they were so cute when they were angry. One of the Slytherin girls (also wearing a badge in case you are a bit slow and didn't figure that everyone in Slytherin was wearing a Potter stinks badge) snorted before quickly silencing herself, Daphne Greengrass Harry remembered. He glanced at Tracy Davis and was disappointed (because Harry is a bit slow) to see she was wearing a badge too- wait why would he care he thought - I don't know I thought you li - What she's a Slytherin, shut up me. I was talking to myself again wasn't I? Yes you were - Is that normal? - Sure it is - Cool.

"Think you're funny do you Potter" Draco practically spat, maybe he had watched that friends episode and didn't realise that was a joke. "You won't be laughing when you're dead!"

"What if I become a ghost?" Harry quipped.

Malfoy was spluttering trying to come up with a reply. Mainly because he was a strawman of a school bully who only existed so the main character could overcome him, and therefore was no match for Harry's protagonist powers of conversation. It was time to strike the killing blow (not literally). A deeply developed attack well thought through with plenty of planning.

"You seem awfully upset about me rivalling Cedric Diggory, I hear from the girls he's quite the looker. I guess you would want to defend him"

"What's that meant to mean?" Draco couldn't figure it out because he wasn't actually very cunning or intelligent, almost as if he was sorted in Slytherin so that young readers could easily identify who the 'villains' of the story are.

"I mean he's a good looking guy and pretty good at magic, pureblood too I think. He'd make a good match for you Draco, I'm happy for you."

* * *

Yes Ron and Harry's plan devised in under 3 minutes 17 seconds it took to walk from the Great Hall to Potions had been devised like so. "Call him a Gaylord" Ron suggested. "Isn't that Homophobic?" Harry asked worried, he didn't want readers thinking he was not a purely good character who was fourteen and sometimes used insults which perhaps shouldn't be insults at all. "No no it's only makes you a homophobe if you suggest it's a bad thing, if he gets angry then he is the homophobe." Ron explained, Harry figured Ron was knowledgeable on this sort of thing, he was good at chess after all and chess players were notorious for having good social skills.

* * *

"How dare you!" Draco screeched not selling his case for being a straight man (if you believed that sexuality could be determined by how you act). "I'm not a poofter."

Lavender approached in perfect timing, this is after all a story and that's how they work. "Draco you must tell me what conditioner you're using on your hair, it looks fabulous" The other Slytherins chose this moment to come back into the scene (they had been renegotiating their contracts to make sure they were played by attractive actors and actresses in the upcoming movies) and laughed at Draco's expense 'these snakes aint loyal' played in Harry's head.

Draco stormed away talking about how his father would make them pay. He didn't storm far even Draco couldn't skip Potions. The rest of the Slytherins departed the entertainment was over . Tracy smiled at Harry as she left, leaving him confused. He would have to talk with Ron about her, he'd know more about girls, he had a sister.

 _ **A/n I decided to write this in a rambling sort of semi meta and aware that they are caricatures sort of way, let me know what you think, should I stick with this style or go to a more mundane narrative?  
My other story Harry Dursley is not dead just in a coma, I have written most of the next chapter but I'm lazy so if you are awaiting it's arrival I can't say if it will be in a month a year or the year 2138 when my consciousness is uploaded into a supercomputer.**_

 _ **For those who identify with hermione in canon (bookworm introvert etc) I'm not bashing into that sort of person or into Hermione in general just flipping the Ron bashing onto Hermione but she certainly won't be made into a punching bag like some fanfics make bashed characters into.**_

Reviews/PMs appreciated, I try to respond to all questions even if they are bashing asshats so don't be shy.


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